What can I say? I'm a perpetual student! Though there are definitely more fun things to be doing that trudging one's way up a steep learning curve, I am nothing if not productive these days!
Where do I start? The West Coast Erickson family has officially moved back to Surrey. We are now in an apartment, and I have to say we love it. Living in my sister's basement suite was awesome for the time we were there, but it is good to be close to things again. I couldn't cope with the long commute to and from work, it was cutting in too deeply to my family time. Speaking of which, I don't suppose I've blogged since I got a job, have I? I'm sure most of you know Garren is no longer driving truck, that is a long story, and not one which makes fun reading, however, the long and the short of it is, it's better for us as a family. Garren now stays home with the kids and I work full time. It's an interesting arrangement, and one that required not just a little bit of compromise and understanding!!
Back to the learning curve. I had forgotten how hard it is to get up and go to work everyday, but I had never known the pressure that comes with being the sole income for a family. The last time I held a fulltime job, I was single and childless. Now to suddenly realize I can't just "take time off" or quit because I want to, it can weigh heavily at times. There are days when going to work feels like the hardest thing I have to do. I'm a stay at home mom at heart, I want nothing more than to take care of my kids, cook nice suppers, bake cookies, sew clothes, clean the house, do the grocery shopping and have things nice for my husband when he gets home from work. I find all those things truly satisfying, and have to say I greatly miss them. However, this is what our life holds at the moment and I am definitely an advocate of making the very best of what life throws at me. It's not what life gives us that matters, its what we do with it. It is hard, and its not always fun, but it is always worthwhile!
Garren and I had to sit down and come up with a daily schedule. It was just getting a touch too tense with him staying home with the kids and me working. It's not as though we were at each other's throats, we're not that kind of couple... we don't "fight", we have disagreements and we bicker and banter, but we don't yell, scream and throw things, its just not how we operate (with each other, that is... I do recall a certain cell phone that met my husband's wrath not that many years ago........ but that's another story). I know Garren finds it just as hard staying home everyday as I find it to leave, so I suppose that helps to keep the peace. We're both just doing what needs to be done... however, back to the learning portion of it. Want to know what we learned???
I'm not Garren and Garren is not me!
How's that for an epiphany!
It might seem so obvious that I'm not my husband and my husband is not me, but just because its obvious doesn't mean we weren't subconsciously comparing each other to ourselves and grading one another's performance. We didn't come right out and say it, but we were.
It's hard to come home after a day at work, maybe stopping at the grocery store on my way home, and find the house a disaster, the kids need a bath, and a husband who wants to know what we're having for dinner.
Likewise, I finally wrapped my head around the fact that it might be hard for a man who is used to working, to stay home and look after children. Yes, he loves seeing the kids more, but anyone who has ever raised kids knows its harder than we think, and he'd never been a full time stay at home dad. So when he was thrown into it (and I mean thrown) he had a two and a half year old and an almost one year old to contend with... no small task! I at least had the benefit of easing into it one day at a time from day one... not that it was "easy", but it was gradual... in a "here's your baby, now go home" sort of way.
So there we were, both in new worlds, overwhelmed, tired, and both disillusioned because the other partner wasn't living up to our expectations.
I started praying about it.. made a phone call to a certain someone who will remain anonymous, and came to a conclusion. We needed a change, and if I didn't want to implode, we needed to talk NOW. So I just came right out and said we needed a schedule. We needed to articulate what we expected of one another so that there wasn't underlying resentment because he/she wasn't even aware he/she should be doing (or shouldn't be doing) something the other expected.
So, as a newbie in this role reversal thing, this is what we came up with, and so far, it makes us much happier. And I don't mean that in a trite way, I mean there's less pressure, there's less stress and so far, it's working.
6:00 Get up and have coffee (a good chance to connect before the kids are up, I'm NOT a morning person - AT ALL, but I figured it was important for us to spend some quality time before I went to work and before Garren started his day. It's a good time to just reconnect, relax, and also just touch base on what the day will hold and any expectations that might not have been addressed previously. We've done this for a week, and even though we both hate mornings, we're both much happier in the morning with the "us" time.)
6:30 Maegen get ready for work
6:45 Maegen leave for work / Garren get breakfast ready for the kids
8:00 Garren get kids up/changed/dressed
8:30 Breakfast
9:00 Clean Kitchen / Playtime
10:30 Lydia Lunch
11:00 Lydia Nap
12:00 Lunch
1:00 Zaiah's Nap / Start planning supper / Clean one room or do a load of laundry (I actually went through my cookbooks for realllllly easy recipes and adjusted them to things I knew we had in the house. Went and did a small grocery shop so that we had the appropriate ingredients and then before I leave for work I leave any additional instructions that might help him with supper on the dry erase board on the fridge. (eg. what a Dutch Oven is, etc. This way he doesn't have to stress because he doesn't know what to make and I don't have to get frustrated because I've worked all day, gone grocery shopping, played with the kids and am now expected to produce dinner.. )
We even scheduled in a nap for Garren if he finds time, but I doubt that will happen.. lol
3:30 Get kids up from nap / snack / playtime / cartoons if you need a break
4:00 Maegen home (I was getting home at five, but in the last week or so have changed my hours at work from 8:00 - 4:30 to 7:00 - 3:30)
5:00 Dinner
5:30 Clean Kitchen / Bathe Kids (obviously whoever bathe's the kids, doesn't clean the kitchen and vice versa)
6:00 Lydia's bedtime / Zaiah, Mommy and Daddy time
7:00 Zaiah's bedtime
..... and then Garren and I have the rest of the evening to do the things we want to do.... watch a movie, chat, sew (okay, this one is more me than Garren.. lol), read a book, make lunch for the next day, etc.
I have to say, it was SO nice to come home to at least one room spotless and supper made. I could have cried with each bite I took...
But its all about communication. Garren didn't know how tired and overwhelmed I was, I didn't know how he was feeling... and we were both expecting more of each other. aaah learning, isn't it fun?
