"Write about what you know." That is something I've heard said over the years and it makes sense. Nobody wants to read something written by someone who doesn't know what they're talking about, or if that person thinks they know how something should be, but they have no actual experience. We've all been there; we've all had that friend who knew what we should've done and how we should've done it but they've never actually done anything like it. In theory their advice sounds good, but the reality is that life just doesn't work that way. Yeah. I hate that. I never want to be that person.
However, I can't seem to shake the idea that some of the things I encounter in everyday life with my marriage and kids and day to day tasks, other people encounter too. Despite the very natural belief that my circumstances must be "unique" and "I'm the only one to walk this path", there must be other people who have had similar thoughts, feelings or circumstances.
I have wished so many times in my adult life for someone to just whisper in my ear, "it's okay. That's normal. We all go through this". Am I the only one who has felt this way? Tell me I'm not. I have a hard time believing I'm alone in this, because I've learned that while we all think we are original, we are actually quite similar in our thoughts and feelings; we just don't share those thoughts and feelings very often. If there were more honesty and less fear of looking imperfect, I think perhaps we would be less isolated.
I have thought about this quite a lot lately. Isolation. It's not something I've particularly spent a lot of time dwelling on in my life, but it has come to the forefront as of late. Having three kids and a husband who works more than he is home I have realized how easy it is to become isolated. I'm an introvert by nature so it's never really been a big issue, being alone, but the longer I am alone the more I realize it's not necessarily the best way to live. I feel like as a society we have become very isolated.
I'm reminded of the movie with Hugh Grant, About a Boy. The movie starts off with the quote "No man is an island" and then the main character spends the first part of the introduction explaining why he is an island and why he likes his island and all the reasons why he disagrees with that quote. Then, through a series of events, he is thrust into a world where he is needed and he finds himself needing other people as well. In the end he finds he is happier and more fulfilled when he is surrounded by his community and an active participant in the lives of those around him and while he still maintains that he's an island, he admits that maybe even islands need bridges.
I can identify with this character as I have been a bit of an island for most of my life, but especially in the last decade. Being an introvert by nature, I need quiet time to recharge and find socializing to be very draining. Not because I don't enjoy spending time with people, because I do, but it costs me to do so because I recharge when I am by myself. If I am required to spend great amounts of time with people and I haven't an opportunity to just be quiet, by myself, I feel as though my world is closing in around me and it is very unpleasant. I don't become the best version of myself in those times.
However, I feel that our society as a whole has become more isolated. Through the evolution of social media, text messaging, emails, ATM transactions, online shopping, etc we have lost the need to interact on a personal level. I'm not saying any of the items I've listed are bad, they're just real life examples that I have personally realized perpetuate my own isolation. I don't need to go out. I can talk on Facebook. I don't have to go to the store with all the people. I can shop online. I don't have to deal with a bank teller. I can use an ATM. All these things, of themselves, are good things; they make life smoother, but they're creating a separation in society that hasn't been there before.
Even when people lived on homesteads, miles from their neighbors, there was a sense of community that isn't there today. People connected with one another, helped one another, relied on one another because they had to. Today, I don't need my neighbor to tell me my child has croup or what to do about it, I've got Google.
But what is this doing to us as a whole? I'll tell you what it's doing to me. It's made me realize I've isolated myself to the point that when I need to call someone for help, I don't know who I can call. When I need to have a heart to heart, I don't feel I can. It makes me feel alone and when I start to feel alone I feel overwhelmed. When I feel isolated I feel this burden drop on my shoulders and begin to think "I can't do this". Am I alone in this? I don't think I am. So that is why I'm writing this blog. Because I don't believe I'm the only one who has ever felt the things I've felt. I don't believe I'm the only one to have ever thought these thoughts. I don't believe I'm the only one to have ever walked this path and sometimes it helps to be reminded of that. Sometimes all we need to hear is, "it's okay, I've been there, you'll get through it". So this isn't a blog filled with advice. It's a blog filled with real life experiences. Just real, raw, sometimes ugly truths that I'm learning about life.
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