New Year Reflections

I used to laugh at New Year's Resolutions.  I gave up on them for a long time and told myself it was because nobody kept those stupid things anyway so why bother.  I don't know when my mind changed exactly, but as we head into a new year I find myself reflecting on where this year has brought me and where 2016 will lead.  I was thinking about my previous belief that resolutions were a waste of time and something to be ridiculed, but then I had a thought; if I don't set a goal at all, what am I working towards?  Where is the motivation to be better?  What will I strive for?  Sure, I don't always succeed in every endeavor in my life, but if I give up entirely I've gained nothing.  I've lost the opportunity to pick myself up and try again.  I've lost the chance to do better next time.  I've lost the motivation to keep trying.  I don't ever want to reach a point in my life where I am not striving for something bigger and better.  If I gave up on that life wouldn't be very exciting. 

So with that in mind I've been reflecting on this last year:

• My oldest turned six
• My middle turned five
• My youngest turned two
• My husband and I have been married for seven years
• My husband started working for a new company
• I went to Las Vegas
• I officially entered the realm of "in my 30's" when I turned 31
• My husband turned 33
• I now have two children in school
• My two older children learned how to swim

These seem like small things, maybe even boring, but they're my world.  I realized while I was thinking about all the things that have transpired this year that for the first time I am completely content to focus on my family.  I used to have this drive to be or do "something" and maybe I will, but for this time and this season my role is wife and mom and for the first time in my life I'm more than okay with that. 

2015 was an interesting year, to put it mildly.  It was spent getting to know my family.  Seems like a strange concept, but I feel like in the busy world that we live in we often live with people but we don't necessarily LIVE with them.  We live our lives separately and we drift apart until even our own children are strangers.  I realized when I was registering my middle daughter for Kindergarten that if I didn't purpose to get to know who she was as an individual she would grow up and I wouldn't know her at all.  She and her brother spend the better portion of their day in a building with other people.  I see them briefly in the morning for breakfast and then in the afternoon we do homework and sports.  Evening is dinner and bed.  Weekends are not always spent together.  My oldest goes away every other weekend and then there are times when my kids see friends or family.  If I don't make it my intention to make the times I have with my kids quality time, they'll grow up and I won't even know who they've become.  The same goes for my husband.  It's amazing how I can live with this man, but then realize that two days have gone by and we haven't had a meaningful conversation in three days.  Gratefully, that isn't the case anymore because we have both made it a priority to talk to one another and now it is just natural to have conversation, but it is interesting that we even had to do that.  Why is it that the relationships which are the most important are the ones which we take for granted?  My husband and I talked about dogs this evening.  It wasn't a deep or insightful conversation, but you know what I enjoyed about it most?  The fact that I was talking about my opinions and thoughts with my best friend.  It was fun engaging in a conversation that had no weight to it; hearing his thoughts and sharing mine and laughing like we used to when we were kids.  I don't think we could have said that two years ago because we weren't purposefully including one another in our lives, we were just living together.  It isn't as though some catastrophic thing happened, we just let our guard down and didn't see how a lack of communication and purpose was slowly eroding the intimacy that comes with being husband and wife.  I am grateful that isn't the case anymore and I can laugh and talk with my best friend and husband. 

These are things I have been reflecting on over New Years.  A conversation with my five year old on New Year's Eve got me thinking about perspective and attitude, it went like this:

Me:  do you know what the date is today?
 Five Year Old: It's December 31st 2015
Me: That's right! And do you know what the date is tomorrow?
 Five Year Old: Umm.. no?
Me: Tomorrow is January 1st 2016
 Five Year Old: So?
Me: So? SO?! Do you know what will happen in 2016??
[Five Year Old shakes her head]
Me: In 2106 Oldest will turn seven! In 2016 Youngest will turn three! In 2016 you will turn six! In 2016 Mommy will turn 32 and Daddy will turn 34! In 2016 Mommy and Daddy will have been married for eight years!
[Five Year Old throws her arms around me a squeals in delight]
 Five Year Old: I'm SO excited for 2016 Mommy!!! I can't wait! This is going to be the BEST YEAR EVER!!!

Watching as that conversation changed her attitude towards the upcoming new year made me realize I can learn from a five year old.  I decided after that little exchange that I am going to make 2016 the year I choose to change my perspective.  I have no idea what 2016 will hold, but I know there will be change.  Some good, some likely uncomfortable, but for me it will be a year where I choose.  Choose to look at the positive things in my life like my beautiful family.  Choose to engage with each member of my family and not just exist together as a unit.  Choose to get to know each of my children as the individuals they are and not just rush through the day surviving until bedtime.  I saw an acquaintance on facebook talking about what their "word" is for the new year.  My word for 2016, or my theme if you will, is choice.  We always have choices and this year I will choose purpose, positivity, patience, perspective, passion, and people.  What will you choose this year?